Ramos, Jose
PAS
113B
Easy
Come Easy Go
“My life was fine
for my first thirteen years, good for the past six, but now I know that my
future will be great with this decision that I am taking right now”. That was
the last thing that she said before she turned around and walked away. Samantha
is nineteen years old, but she makes childish choices thinking that she is
doing the right thing. She stands between 5’4” and 5’5”, has big round brown
eyes, long black straightened hair, and really light skin color. Being from
Mexican descent her religious belief is Catholic. The way that she dresses is
not like any girl, she wears what she believes that looks good and compliments
her style but not showing too much skin or being too provocative.
Her
life is like any other teenager she just graduated high school and is going to
start college soon. She works part‑time as a cashier at Target, where she has
been working for the past three years. There is a special someone in her life
also, her boyfriend that she has been with for a while now. Well known in high
school, her and her boyfriend named Carlos have many friends. It would seem as
if Samantha had a perfect life, she had just finished high school and looking
forward to starting college, has a boyfriend that she cares for, and friends
and family that she could hang out with. Maybe it doesn’t seem to be a perfect
life, but it sure does sound like the life that most people would like to have.
But that is just what the people on the outside would see about Samantha’s life
because only she knows how she really feels and knows exactly how unpleasant
her life really is.
Samantha
and Carlos do have many friends that they hang out with, but most of their
friends are guys. Carlos kept most of his female friends distant because he didn’t
want them to cause any problems in his relationship with Samantha so he thought
that hanging out with most of his male friends would not create any issues for
him. He didn’t mind guys talking to his girlfriend because he knew that she not
doing anything bad; there was trust between them. The only person that
sometimes did seem to bother Carlos was Samantha’s best friend named Octavio.
They had been friends since he could remember. Although he tried to not make it
a big deal, he sort of knew that Octavio had some attraction towards Samantha.
The kind of attraction that he wanted to be more than friends with her. Samantha
and Carlos’s relationship was not like other couples, they never seemed to
fight or argue. The weird part was that with Octavio, she would always have big
arguments and if you didn’t know that they were friends you would think that
they were a couple.
Octavio
was the type of guy that was known to be a player. Samantha would always see
him with a different girlfriend almost every other week. That was the only
thing that she didn’t like about him and that’s also the reason that they were
just friends. Every time Octavio had a new girlfriend, there was drama for
Samantha. Girls running up on her telling her to stop talking to their boyfriend
or else there were going to be problems. Samantha would be involved in many
fights over jealous girls just for being best friends with a player. When she
met Carlos, everything changed. The jealous girls disappeared and the problems
stopped for her. The reason was because Carlos had connections and told people
that no one was going to mess with his girlfriend. He was a gang member,
something that Samantha liked because she was crazy for those kinds of guys
that she thought were “bad boys”. Carlos was Samantha’s first boyfriend. So
from day one she knew that Carlos was special because he captured her heart.
Samantha
was having the time of her life with her boyfriend, but the worst of times with
her best friend. He would tell her that she shouldn’t be with Carlos, that he
is not a good person and was just going to hold her back from what she wanted
to do. Although it was somewhat true it wasn’t all true. Samantha was going to
go up state for college and Carlos didn’t like that idea because he didn’t want
to lose her. But he was still glad that she was going to pursue a career that
she wanted to do which was Business.
After high school
everything changed between Samantha, Carlos, and even Octavio. Samantha and
Carlos were each busy with work and barely had time to see each other or spend
time together. Little by little they were growing apart from each other. It
also seemed as if the feelings that they had for each other were slowly
drifting away. When ever they had time for each other, they would just end up arguing
and not seeing each other anymore. So a week before Samantha was going to move
away and go up north for college, Octavio went over to Samantha’s house to say
goodbye to her and he found her upset from an earlier argument she had with
Carlos. They talked about what happened and after listening to what Samantha
said, Octavio confessed to Samantha that he had feeling for her and that was
the reason for him not approving of her being with Carlos. He also admitted
that he was scared to not have her in his life and he wanted to spend his life
with her. After he finished speaking Samantha was both in shock and with so
much anger in her. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. First because
of what he had told her knowing that she was upset, second telling her that he
felt an attraction towards her after many years of knowing each other and
running through girls like crazy. So she just stood up and told him to leave,
but before he left she mentioned to him, “My life was fine for my first
thirteen years, good for the past six, but now I know that my future will be
great with this decision that I am taking right now. Knowing that you were
never a true friend all you wanted was for me to end up with you just like all
the other girls that you have been with. Well if you were truly my best friend
you would have realized that I’m not that type of girl and I’m glad that even
though Carlos didn’t really know me, he did know that I’m not the type of girl
that you can try and win over just by sweet talking me when I feel upset. I
know we are having problems right know but we will get through them, because
now you won’t be part of the picture to be causing anymore problems between us.
So you saw the door on your way inside my house, now on the way out take a good
look at it because it will be the last time that you will ever see it again. It’s
a sunny day; I don’t need someone shady like you to keep the sun from shining
on my face. I can’t believe that I considered you to be a friend, so goodbye
and have a good life because I know I will. I have never had anything hold me
back from what I want and don’t think that you are so special to be that person
that makes me change my mind. These past months have been so miserable thanks
to you. Thanks a lot for that now just leave because I never want to see you
again in my life, goodbye.”
Jose's essay has a great storyline. The flow of his story was good and unique. He targeted his audience well and the tone was right on point. It didn't seem to change much, but when it was necessary the tone was pitched perfectly. He does have structural mess ups in a few of his sentences. His grammar is OK, just missing a few words and spelling should be checked. There are a few punctuation errors that are minor but should be fixed. Maybe some things should be changed around or added into the story to give it more of a dramatic touch, but overall, his paper is great. I love the story. I felt good reading it and it made me wonder what will happen in the future of the story.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading thorugh this story i found that it was a well written story. the characters in his story are really detailed each character in the story have like their own personal history about who they are. the only thing is that i would like it to be more specific on some parts. like when it came to the couple argueing it never explained what exactly they were argueing about. and there were certain words that were mispelled and sentences that were incomplete.i like how it also ends in a cliffhanger. overall it was a good story
ReplyDeleteJose story was pretty good. I see a minor mistakes but it won't cause a damage. Audience would like this story because it's easy to read. I really felt great reading this essay. it explain how the relationship ( friends and boyfriend ) works.
ReplyDeleteI like how you gave a full description of Samantha from her physical features to her style. I also liked the way you opened up the story. You’re structure and organization was good as well. You gave a brief summary in the beginning to start of your story and I feel like that catches the reader’s attention. All the events were in order and they flowed well together. To make the story a bit more interesting you should have made it more dramatic. The situation seems realistic, but it’s also a situation that is very typical. Most girls have guys as a best friend and also most relationships end after high school because as you mentioned they both became too busy for each other and feelings began to fade. It was a little too simple. You mentioned that her boyfriend was in a gang so you should have made your story go down that road and have something happen. As for your cliffhanger, you should have made it a mystery not just end the story with Samantha’s quote.
ReplyDeletePlease remember to address all of the required areas for the peer crit.
ReplyDelete